His Plans...His Favor...My Blessing!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

I think we all innately believe that we know what's best for our lives and we become upset when things don't work out the way that we want them to, but today as I was listening to a song (I always have revelations while listening to mellow music in my car!) my heart was filled with so much joy because God really does bless us in the midst of everything!

Nearly 1 year ago, I found myself completely devestated...my heart was broken, I felt like a complete failure, I gained a lot of weight, I stopped caring about work and life...I was just in a bad place. I was angry with God and the entire world around me...I was pissed because the life that I wanted had fallen apart and I couldn't fix it...I couldn't fix it! I can remember the mornings when I didn't even want to get out of bed...it was just too painful, I seriously believed that laying around all day would take away the pain. Well, it didn't take away the hurt and pain, but time and completely submitting my destiny to God's will did.

Now, I find myself rejoicing over how God took me out of a situation that I didn't even realize I was in. I am so grateful that we are clearly told that the Lord knows the plans He has for each of our lives...I'm so glad that His will for our lives doesn't involve mistreating us, taking advantage of us, disrespecting us, using us for personal gain, or any of those things. I'm so grateful to God that no matter what the future holds, He has shown me His unwavering love and favor for me. He only wants what's best for me.

It's About Following One's Heart...

On this Sunday morning, I had to run to the store to pick up laundry detergent...I'm convinced that's the nature of life, when you need something, it's never there! So...I head out to the store and as I was riding to the store, I found myself becoming a bit emotional...a little odd since I was just listening to a CD and singing along, but I just rolled with the punches...there had to be a reason for all of this emotion, and then it hit me.

I no longer live based on the feelings in my heart, I am exclusively guided by my head. That's not all bad...especially when we're talking about finances, career moves, exercising, and other things like that...but, it's not so good when we're talking about dealing with people and some everyday situations that require out compassionate side to emerge. I wish I could say that I now have an excellent plan for acting on this new knowledge of myself, but I don't. As much as I just want to live a life that is guided by my heart, I just can't do it and I'm quite frustrated about this reality. Some people suggest that one just makes an active decision to stop analyzing life and moves forward, but I disagree. I feel like it takes time and compassion from others to allow one to follow her heart again...

Am I just crazy and scared...I sure hope not...

I don't know if this makes any sense, but it's just what was on my mind this Sunday morning.

I'm Nervous!

Life for me has been interesting this past year. I experienced a painful breakup, I had some emotional meltdowns with some people who were close to me, I grew to dislike my job, and I became increasingly disgruntled with my family's judmental ways, but I also experienced some great moments during this same year. I grew and matured tremendously as an individual, I worked real hard to pay off some bills, I spent a lot of time soul-searching, I played football and dodgeball just because I wanted to, I met a new guy, and I searched for new job opportunities...one of which is probably going to result in a new job. So, why, with all of these good things happening, am I nervous? Well...along with great changes and opportunities come greater responsibilities and that precisely is what makes me nervous.

I know I'm fully capable of performing well in this new job opportunity, I know I am able to maintain a long-term relationship, I'm certain I can transition easily into a new city, and I'm clear that I really can reach my financial and fitness goals, but the challenge and responsiblity associated with each of these things, among others, make me NERVOUS!

So, how shall I deal with this nervousness...I'm not exactly sure about all the ways, but I'm going to work really hard to incorporate more discipline and order into my life. I guess that's my New Year's Resolution. There are clear areas where I want to focus my energy...

1. I want to go to the gym before work at least 3 days every week.
2. I want to be in the office no later than 8am everyday.
3. I want to plan my meals weekly, going out to dinner no more than 2x/month.
4. I want to to save a set amount of money monthly.
5. I want to spend at least 2 nights/week focusing on a hobby or interest independent of the computer or TV.
6. I want to make good use of my weekend time...no wasting the day on the computer or laying around.
7. I want to follow a weekly to-do list...in fact, I want to live a more list-driven life.

So, here's to a new year and a new opportunity to live a "nervous-free" better life!