Not Sure When, But I'm Certain It Happened...

As I've shared before, it's quite difficult for me to open up and let people into my space. It's been even more challenging for me to love and be loved, but I realized tonight (or perhaps earlier in the day or last week) that somewhere along the way I've fallen in love with S. Crazy, right? Here I am this strong-willed female who made it my business to avoid emotional attachment at all costs, yet I find myself feeling this thing called "love".

How do I know it's love...well, I don't necessarily know since I've never been in this place before, but I do know that I've never cared about someone so much before. I truly believe that love should be understanding, love should be unselfish, love should be encouragement, and love should show compassion. With S., I feel all of these things. I know this is love because he kissed me on the forehead and melted my heart away...I know this is love because I stayed up all night helping him write a paper that I really didn't care about at all and it was okay...I know this is love because I cried on his shoulder and did not feel an ounce of shame...I know this is love because just being in his presence makes my day (even if we don't speak a word).

It's so amazing to be in this place and even though I had vowed to protect myself from falling in love, I'm glad it happened. It is indeed true, taking the leap into love is worth the risk...I feared falling and hurting myself, but I'm blessed to have a man in my life who didn't let me fall, instead he has chosen to carry me in his arms and take this journey with me and I LOVE him for that.

Sorry to be so mushy...I just can't help myself these days.

Many Seasons, Just One Journey...

During the past few weeks, I've had a bit of time to reflect upon the many seasons of my life. I've thought about the friends that I've made and lost along the way...I've thought about how the dynamics of my relationships with family members have changed over time (especially in the past few months)...and I've thought about the awesome way that God works.

A few years ago, a dear friend and I stopped talking completely. I had known this friend for nearly 20 years and just couldn't believe that our friendship literally ended overnight, but it did. I became quite depressed following this experience. At that time, my devestation prevented me from seeing the blessing in the storm, but now I recognize that this situation represented the transition into a new season of my life. It was really all a part of the plan...my seasons had to change in order for me to get closer to my destiny.

Now, I'd like to belive that I'm pretty much over this situation and I find myself wondering what my life would look like if I hadn't accepted the loss of this friend. I wonder if I would've missed out on this mysteriously great job opportunity...I wonder if I would've become content spending the rest of my life in the Baltimore area...I wonder if I would've continued to gauge my happiness on the opinions of others. Fortunately, I will never know if the things I wonder would've become true. I say fortunately because in spite of the difficult times I went through with this friend (whom I still love dearly), it was one of the best learning/growing experiences I've had in life.

What did I learn? How did I grow?

1. I learned to love myself and embrace my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

2. I grew into a free-thinking adult.

3. I learned to value my own beliefs and opinions.

4. I learned that I truly have a heart to help people.

5. I learned what it truly means to love unconditionally.

6. I learned that some people do really only stay in our lives for a season. For that season, we cherish, but when the season is over, we evaluate why they were a part of our lives and move forward in peace.

The Bible reminds that to everything there is a season and a purpose and as strange as it seems, I'm glad that this all happened. I'm glad because I was able to move with God into a new season of my life...a season that forced me to grow closer to my family and a season that forced me to mature a little more. Why all this season talk...well, I feel like God is yet taking me into a new season and I'm nervous, so I just needed to reflected on the blessings of my last season change. I know there will be lessons to learn and blessings to experience once again in this new season, as well as, those that lie ahead in the many seasons of my one journey called LIFE.