The trip of a lifetime...

So, I've decided to blog about my trip to Africa as a way to stay connected to my friends and family while I'm gone. I hope to post at least once a day starting to let folks know what I'm up to. As for now...I have to finish packing tonight and try to get some rest. I'm beyond nervous about the flight, so I'm quite focused on trying to remain calm and leave things in the Lord's hands.

My prayer is that this is a wonderful trip that provides a lifetime of lasting memories. All of your prayers for my safety and sanity as I travel are much appreciated.

~DMW

A Peaceful Evening...

For the first times in a long time, I'm having such a peaceful evening. I left the office earlier than usual...changed into some relaxing attire, and decided to spend some time outdoors with my favorite (and only) nephew. Who knew kicking a bouncy ball around and throwing a 4 year old a wiffle ball could be so relaxing. It was nice to run around a get a little workout in too. So, now...I'm just sitting in the evening sun, watching all the cars drive by, getting ready to grab my guitar and enjoy this cool summer night.

So, I don't post much these days...too busy I suppose, but I'm going to try to diligently post once again. As usual, I'm on a journey in this new chapter of my life. I'm finally settling into my new job and thinking that maybe I did make a good choice after all. This position has forced me to mature as a professional and really allowed me to immerse myself in the public health world like I couldn't do before.

The work I do is simply fascinating...trying to figure out how physicians view their patients and trying to understand the basis for their clinical decisions sometimes seems impossible, but can you imagine a world where we aren't judged by our race on a biological level, rather we are seen as unique individuals. That's what all of my work focuses on. It's the idea that racial is a "social contruct". It's a way for us to connect with people socially, however, it has no biological basis. Your race does not make you more susceptible to certain illnesses and neither does mine, it's our biological composition, lifestyle, and behaviors that increase or decrease our risk for disease. Now to be fair, our lifestyle and behaviors may appear to be related to our race , but ourrace probably serves as a proxy for our social environment which greatly impacts our risk for disease. Clearly, we wouldn't think all of these things if we listened to every news report that says, Blacks are at increased risk for developign hypertension and Whites are more likely to be diagnosed with skin cancer, but that's the culture we live in.

So, if we're not all that different, why does race cause so many issues in our society? At the end of the day, it's because we allow it to. Unfortunately, there are many people in this country, both Black and White, who still judge people based on skin color/racial group. To me, this is absolutely insane. I don't care what a person looks like, I'm more interested in the character of the individual person. I've never determined who I could interact with based on skin color. Truthfully, growing up I always had more white friends than black, because my black peers always felt it necessary to degrade me simply because I was trying to make something out of my life. Fortunately for me, my parents always supported me and surrounded me with positive images of Blacks, so I never became turned off by own race which I'm grateful for. As I've gotten older, I've had the opportunity to befriend a number of young Black professionals, but their being my friend has absolutely nothing to do with skin color, it has everything to do with having similar goals and interests.

So, I know I got off on a little tangent tonight, but it's been a long time since I've just been able to let my thoughts flow freely as I write. I'm always to busy or too worried, but tonight was the peaceful evening that I've needed for a long time.

~DMW

A Glow...

Last night as I sat at dinner with my mother and one of my sorors, one of the most interesting (and possibly strange) things happened to me. My soror was asking me questions...way too many questions...about my life and relationship, and the big question came up..."Do you think he's the one?" So, I was somewhat embarassed, but I didn't hesitate to answer the question. My response was simply, "I'm really into him, he makes me so happy, and I think he could completely be the one for me. I would love to be married to him in a few years. I'm ready for he and I to become our own family."

As soon as I responded to my soror's question, my mother looked at me and said, "There's something different about this one...Dawn has such a glow about her these days." Now that's pretty wild...I've only heard people talk about a glow that comes with pregnancy and I definitely didn't think a glow was radiating from me since Y. and I have been together...I guess I was so wrong.

I know my response to the question sounds completely crazy since I've never, NEVER said anything like this before, but it is what it is. I've always questioned how quickly you can know that someone is the one for you. Honestly, there's no instruction book or logical way to determine that someone is the one for you. We're talking about a lifetime decision that can't be entered into lightly. For some, it only takes a few months, for others it takes many years, for me, I don't know...I think I know, but I'm scared. Even though I'm scared, I do know that this relationship is different...it's not superficial...it's filled with so much compassion and care.

We'll see what life has to in store for me. Until then, I guess I'll keep on glowing.

It's a Good Life...Yeah!

It's been a long time since I've written. My days are so busy these days that I rarely have time to do anything other than work and get ready for work. It really stinks, but I'm grateful for my new job and the things that it has enabled in my life. So, I guess I have no real purpose or focus for blogging today...I'm just writing to write, which is really a blessing.

Why a blessing...well, usually I blog when I'm going through things...experiencing a personal revelation, facing a tough decision, frustrated with life, etc., but tonight, I'm just so content and happy with my life. I'm going to be moving into a new place in the next few months (it's taken a while to get to this point), I've managed to gain great control of my financial life, and I'm experiencing a tremendous amount of personal growth.

So, I guess tonight all I really want to say is, "It's a Good Life!"

His Plans...His Favor...My Blessing!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

I think we all innately believe that we know what's best for our lives and we become upset when things don't work out the way that we want them to, but today as I was listening to a song (I always have revelations while listening to mellow music in my car!) my heart was filled with so much joy because God really does bless us in the midst of everything!

Nearly 1 year ago, I found myself completely devestated...my heart was broken, I felt like a complete failure, I gained a lot of weight, I stopped caring about work and life...I was just in a bad place. I was angry with God and the entire world around me...I was pissed because the life that I wanted had fallen apart and I couldn't fix it...I couldn't fix it! I can remember the mornings when I didn't even want to get out of bed...it was just too painful, I seriously believed that laying around all day would take away the pain. Well, it didn't take away the hurt and pain, but time and completely submitting my destiny to God's will did.

Now, I find myself rejoicing over how God took me out of a situation that I didn't even realize I was in. I am so grateful that we are clearly told that the Lord knows the plans He has for each of our lives...I'm so glad that His will for our lives doesn't involve mistreating us, taking advantage of us, disrespecting us, using us for personal gain, or any of those things. I'm so grateful to God that no matter what the future holds, He has shown me His unwavering love and favor for me. He only wants what's best for me.

It's About Following One's Heart...

On this Sunday morning, I had to run to the store to pick up laundry detergent...I'm convinced that's the nature of life, when you need something, it's never there! So...I head out to the store and as I was riding to the store, I found myself becoming a bit emotional...a little odd since I was just listening to a CD and singing along, but I just rolled with the punches...there had to be a reason for all of this emotion, and then it hit me.

I no longer live based on the feelings in my heart, I am exclusively guided by my head. That's not all bad...especially when we're talking about finances, career moves, exercising, and other things like that...but, it's not so good when we're talking about dealing with people and some everyday situations that require out compassionate side to emerge. I wish I could say that I now have an excellent plan for acting on this new knowledge of myself, but I don't. As much as I just want to live a life that is guided by my heart, I just can't do it and I'm quite frustrated about this reality. Some people suggest that one just makes an active decision to stop analyzing life and moves forward, but I disagree. I feel like it takes time and compassion from others to allow one to follow her heart again...

Am I just crazy and scared...I sure hope not...

I don't know if this makes any sense, but it's just what was on my mind this Sunday morning.

I'm Nervous!

Life for me has been interesting this past year. I experienced a painful breakup, I had some emotional meltdowns with some people who were close to me, I grew to dislike my job, and I became increasingly disgruntled with my family's judmental ways, but I also experienced some great moments during this same year. I grew and matured tremendously as an individual, I worked real hard to pay off some bills, I spent a lot of time soul-searching, I played football and dodgeball just because I wanted to, I met a new guy, and I searched for new job opportunities...one of which is probably going to result in a new job. So, why, with all of these good things happening, am I nervous? Well...along with great changes and opportunities come greater responsibilities and that precisely is what makes me nervous.

I know I'm fully capable of performing well in this new job opportunity, I know I am able to maintain a long-term relationship, I'm certain I can transition easily into a new city, and I'm clear that I really can reach my financial and fitness goals, but the challenge and responsiblity associated with each of these things, among others, make me NERVOUS!

So, how shall I deal with this nervousness...I'm not exactly sure about all the ways, but I'm going to work really hard to incorporate more discipline and order into my life. I guess that's my New Year's Resolution. There are clear areas where I want to focus my energy...

1. I want to go to the gym before work at least 3 days every week.
2. I want to be in the office no later than 8am everyday.
3. I want to plan my meals weekly, going out to dinner no more than 2x/month.
4. I want to to save a set amount of money monthly.
5. I want to spend at least 2 nights/week focusing on a hobby or interest independent of the computer or TV.
6. I want to make good use of my weekend time...no wasting the day on the computer or laying around.
7. I want to follow a weekly to-do list...in fact, I want to live a more list-driven life.

So, here's to a new year and a new opportunity to live a "nervous-free" better life!