Journey to My Destiny

The trip of a lifetime...

2010-11-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

So, I've decided to blog about my trip to Africa as a way to stay connected to my friends and family while I'm gone. I hope to post at least once a day starting to let folks know what I'm up to. As for now...I have to finish packing tonight and try to get some rest. I'm beyond nervous about the flight, so I'm quite focused on trying to remain calm and leave things in the Lord's hands.

My prayer is that this is a wonderful trip that provides a lifetime of lasting memories. All of your prayers for my safety and sanity as I travel are much appreciated.

~DMW

A Peaceful Evening...

2009-07-16T17:13:00.000-07:00

For the first times in a long time, I'm having such a peaceful evening. I left the office earlier than usual...changed into some relaxing attire, and decided to spend some time outdoors with my favorite (and only) nephew. Who knew kicking a bouncy ball around and throwing a 4 year old a wiffle ball could be so relaxing. It was nice to run around a get a little workout in too. So, now...I'm just sitting in the evening sun, watching all the cars drive by, getting ready to grab my guitar and enjoy this cool summer night.

So, I don't post much these days...too busy I suppose, but I'm going to try to diligently post once again. As usual, I'm on a journey in this new chapter of my life. I'm finally settling into my new job and thinking that maybe I did make a good choice after all. This position has forced me to mature as a professional and really allowed me to immerse myself in the public health world like I couldn't do before.

The work I do is simply fascinating...trying to figure out how physicians view their patients and trying to understand the basis for their clinical decisions sometimes seems impossible, but can you imagine a world where we aren't judged by our race on a biological level, rather we are seen as unique individuals. That's what all of my work focuses on. It's the idea that racial is a "social contruct". It's a way for us to connect with people socially, however, it has no biological basis. Your race does not make you more susceptible to certain illnesses and neither does mine, it's our biological composition, lifestyle, and behaviors that increase or decrease our risk for disease. Now to be fair, our lifestyle and behaviors may appear to be related to our race , but ourrace probably serves as a proxy for our social environment which greatly impacts our risk for disease. Clearly, we wouldn't think all of these things if we listened to every news report that says, Blacks are at increased risk for developign hypertension and Whites are more likely to be diagnosed with skin cancer, but that's the culture we live in.

So, if we're not all that different, why does race cause so many issues in our society? At the end of the day, it's because we allow it to. Unfortunately, there are many people in this country, both Black and White, who still judge people based on skin color/racial group. To me, this is absolutely insane. I don't care what a person looks like, I'm more interested in the character of the individual person. I've never determined who I could interact with based on skin color. Truthfully, growing up I always had more white friends than black, because my black peers always felt it necessary to degrade me simply because I was trying to make something out of my life. Fortunately for me, my parents always supported me and surrounded me with positive images of Blacks, so I never became turned off by own race which I'm grateful for. As I've gotten older, I've had the opportunity to befriend a number of young Black professionals, but their being my friend has absolutely nothing to do with skin color, it has everything to do with having similar goals and interests.

So, I know I got off on a little tangent tonight, but it's been a long time since I've just been able to let my thoughts flow freely as I write. I'm always to busy or too worried, but tonight was the peaceful evening that I've needed for a long time.

~DMW

A Glow...

2009-05-03T15:45:00.000-07:00

Last night as I sat at dinner with my mother and one of my sorors, one of the most interesting (and possibly strange) things happened to me. My soror was asking me questions...way too many questions...about my life and relationship, and the big question came up..."Do you think he's the one?" So, I was somewhat embarassed, but I didn't hesitate to answer the question. My response was simply, "I'm really into him, he makes me so happy, and I think he could completely be the one for me. I would love to be married to him in a few years. I'm ready for he and I to become our own family."

As soon as I responded to my soror's question, my mother looked at me and said, "There's something different about this one...Dawn has such a glow about her these days." Now that's pretty wild...I've only heard people talk about a glow that comes with pregnancy and I definitely didn't think a glow was radiating from me since Y. and I have been together...I guess I was so wrong.

I know my response to the question sounds completely crazy since I've never, NEVER said anything like this before, but it is what it is. I've always questioned how quickly you can know that someone is the one for you. Honestly, there's no instruction book or logical way to determine that someone is the one for you. We're talking about a lifetime decision that can't be entered into lightly. For some, it only takes a few months, for others it takes many years, for me, I don't know...I think I know, but I'm scared. Even though I'm scared, I do know that this relationship is different...it's not superficial...it's filled with so much compassion and care.

We'll see what life has to in store for me. Until then, I guess I'll keep on glowing.

It's a Good Life...Yeah!

2009-04-06T16:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've written. My days are so busy these days that I rarely have time to do anything other than work and get ready for work. It really stinks, but I'm grateful for my new job and the things that it has enabled in my life. So, I guess I have no real purpose or focus for blogging today...I'm just writing to write, which is really a blessing.

Why a blessing...well, usually I blog when I'm going through things...experiencing a personal revelation, facing a tough decision, frustrated with life, etc., but tonight, I'm just so content and happy with my life. I'm going to be moving into a new place in the next few months (it's taken a while to get to this point), I've managed to gain great control of my financial life, and I'm experiencing a tremendous amount of personal growth.

So, I guess tonight all I really want to say is, "It's a Good Life!"

His Plans...His Favor...My Blessing!

2009-01-27T17:40:00.000-08:00

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

I think we all innately believe that we know what's best for our lives and we become upset when things don't work out the way that we want them to, but today as I was listening to a song (I always have revelations while listening to mellow music in my car!) my heart was filled with so much joy because God really does bless us in the midst of everything!

Nearly 1 year ago, I found myself completely devestated...my heart was broken, I felt like a complete failure, I gained a lot of weight, I stopped caring about work and life...I was just in a bad place. I was angry with God and the entire world around me...I was pissed because the life that I wanted had fallen apart and I couldn't fix it...I couldn't fix it! I can remember the mornings when I didn't even want to get out of bed...it was just too painful, I seriously believed that laying around all day would take away the pain. Well, it didn't take away the hurt and pain, but time and completely submitting my destiny to God's will did.

Now, I find myself rejoicing over how God took me out of a situation that I didn't even realize I was in. I am so grateful that we are clearly told that the Lord knows the plans He has for each of our lives...I'm so glad that His will for our lives doesn't involve mistreating us, taking advantage of us, disrespecting us, using us for personal gain, or any of those things. I'm so grateful to God that no matter what the future holds, He has shown me His unwavering love and favor for me. He only wants what's best for me.

It's About Following One's Heart...

2009-01-25T07:31:00.001-08:00

On this Sunday morning, I had to run to the store to pick up laundry detergent...I'm convinced that's the nature of life, when you need something, it's never there! So...I head out to the store and as I was riding to the store, I found myself becoming a bit emotional...a little odd since I was just listening to a CD and singing along, but I just rolled with the punches...there had to be a reason for all of this emotion, and then it hit me.

I no longer live based on the feelings in my heart, I am exclusively guided by my head. That's not all bad...especially when we're talking about finances, career moves, exercising, and other things like that...but, it's not so good when we're talking about dealing with people and some everyday situations that require out compassionate side to emerge. I wish I could say that I now have an excellent plan for acting on this new knowledge of myself, but I don't. As much as I just want to live a life that is guided by my heart, I just can't do it and I'm quite frustrated about this reality. Some people suggest that one just makes an active decision to stop analyzing life and moves forward, but I disagree. I feel like it takes time and compassion from others to allow one to follow her heart again...

Am I just crazy and scared...I sure hope not...

I don't know if this makes any sense, but it's just what was on my mind this Sunday morning.

I'm Nervous!

2009-01-03T09:07:00.001-08:00

Life for me has been interesting this past year. I experienced a painful breakup, I had some emotional meltdowns with some people who were close to me, I grew to dislike my job, and I became increasingly disgruntled with my family's judmental ways, but I also experienced some great moments during this same year. I grew and matured tremendously as an individual, I worked real hard to pay off some bills, I spent a lot of time soul-searching, I played football and dodgeball just because I wanted to, I met a new guy, and I searched for new job opportunities...one of which is probably going to result in a new job. So, why, with all of these good things happening, am I nervous? Well...along with great changes and opportunities come greater responsibilities and that precisely is what makes me nervous.

I know I'm fully capable of performing well in this new job opportunity, I know I am able to maintain a long-term relationship, I'm certain I can transition easily into a new city, and I'm clear that I really can reach my financial and fitness goals, but the challenge and responsiblity associated with each of these things, among others, make me NERVOUS!

So, how shall I deal with this nervousness...I'm not exactly sure about all the ways, but I'm going to work really hard to incorporate more discipline and order into my life. I guess that's my New Year's Resolution. There are clear areas where I want to focus my energy...

1. I want to go to the gym before work at least 3 days every week.
2. I want to be in the office no later than 8am everyday.
3. I want to plan my meals weekly, going out to dinner no more than 2x/month.
4. I want to to save a set amount of money monthly.
5. I want to spend at least 2 nights/week focusing on a hobby or interest independent of the computer or TV.
6. I want to make good use of my weekend time...no wasting the day on the computer or laying around.
7. I want to follow a weekly to-do list...in fact, I want to live a more list-driven life.

So, here's to a new year and a new opportunity to live a "nervous-free" better life!

Assessment Time...

2008-12-28T19:28:00.000-08:00

As 2009 rapidly approaches, it's time for some personal reflection. It's time to assess my current state of being.

Am I closer to reaching my personal, financial, relationship, and career goals? Has my relationship with God grown closer over the past year or have I drifted farther from His presence? Is my inner circle of friends there for me in the ways that I need them to be? Have I embraced the continuously evolving individual that dwells within me?

These are just a few of the many questions that I will be asking myself in the coming weeks. This process will take a great deal of time, but it is so important. This assessment has nothing to do with New Year's resolutions, rather it has everything to do with being the person I've been called to be. I sincerely believe that each year I should be a better person (in every area) than I was in the preceding year. I know some of my friends strongly believe that while we're in our 20s we should just be having fun, but I completely disagree. I went to high school to "just have fun", I went to college to build upon my knowledge base and prepare for my future, and now in my 20s, it's all about striving to reach my destiny an chasing my dreams.

As my life has truly shown to date, there will be some failure now and in my future, but I want all of my failures to be a result of my "failing to succeed". My failures must be stepping stones for a successful future. Taking this time out of my schedule annually to assess my current state of being helps me to learn from my failures, understand where I am currently, and establish "checkpoints" to help me reach my life goals.

I hope you will set aside some time for personal reflection as well in this New Year!

Be blessed...

It's MY Time...

2008-12-08T18:26:00.000-08:00

I know that statement sounds somewhat arrogant and self-centered, but it’s not meant in that way at all. This statement is simply an affirmation to remind that in spite of the challenges I’ve encountered during the past few years, I’ve survived and now I’m in a different chapter of my life and it’s my time. It’s my time to walk with my head high…it’s my time to walk without fear of the future…it’s my time to believe that there are so many blessings in my daily living…it’s my time to embrace all that life has in store for me.

Over this past year, I’ve grown so much in my personal life. My life dreams and career goals are so much clearer in my mind in comparison to one year ago. I’ve reached the point where I know without a doubt that God will grant me the desires of my heart. I’ve reached that place where I love me for who I am regardless of what others think of me. This is such a great place for me…it’s been a long time coming, but the change has come and I’m so excited about all that’s happening.

It’s my time…

My 4s...Thanks Libby!

2008-11-30T12:32:00.000-08:00

Four places that I go to over and over:

1. Work
2. My cousin's house
3. G-Mail
4. The kitchen

Four people who e-mail me (regularly):

1. Tiffany
2. My boss
3. Ronnie
4. Tynisha

Four of my favorite places to eat

1. Panera Bread
2. Bonefish Grill
3. My aunt's house
4. My new fav...Tapas Teatro

Four places you would rather be:

1. At the Ravens game
2. Out eating a crabcake
3. On a date
4. Out of the bed...I'm not feeling well which STINKS!!

Four TV shows I watch:

1. ER
2. The Today Show
3. Ravens Football
4. Whose Wedding is it Anyway?

Four people I tag!

I don't have that many blogging friends...

A Thanksgiving for the History Books...

2008-11-29T22:37:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is traditionally a joyful time that we spend with family and friends. We often reflect on the goodness of God over the course of the year and eat lots of turkey, stuffing, and other yummy things. In general, it's just a great time of year...

Well, this year, my Thanksgiving wasn't the smooth, cheery holiday. Nope...it was a Thanksgiving for the history books...Quite frankly, it was almost a Thanksgiving from &@##!!

It all started on Wednesday morning at 4:30 as my cousins, my mother, and I pulled out of the yard to leave for North Carolina. The van we were riding in was scary to say the least and literally the minute after we pulled out of the yard I said to myself..."Um, I'm not sure this van is going to make it the entire way." I kept this thought to myself for the sake of protecting the van owner's feelings, but it just didn't feel right and man did I suffer for not following my gut instinct. Needless to say, a 7-hour drive to North Carolina took us 11 hours. We stopped to use the bathrooms multiple (4 to be exact) times and we stopped for lunch...that's 5 STOPS! PURE CRAZINESS!!! There was absolutely no reason to stop that frequently. NOTE: NEVER TRAVEL WITH PEOPLE WHO'VE NEVER BEEN ON A ROAD TRIP!!!!

When we finally arrived at my aunt's house, I didn't have anything to say to anybody...I got us in NC by 9:30/10:00...it took us 5.5 hours to drive through NC...again I say...PURE CRAZINESS!!!

I wouldn't have been so bothered, but the people I rode with weren't bothered in the least bit by the fact that a 7-hour trip took us 11 HOURS!! But, we made it right, so I should've been thankful...after all, at 4:30am I was questioning if this was indeed a possibility. Well, let's just say, we did make it to NC, but that's it. When the van owner went back out to drive to our hotel, the van BROKE DOWN!!! That's right, it broke down on the side of the road. What was I saying to myself..."Aw, MAN!!! I need to get back early on Friday to buy a bed at IKEA...this can't be happening, WHY ME LORD...WHY ME???" Well, I didn't find it necessary to labor over this question as there was clearly nothing I could do at that hour on the night before Thanksgiving...so my prayer simply became..."Lord, please let this van need a part that must be ordered so we can't ride back in it." GOD does answer prayer, but not without some hurt and pain along the way.

What happened between Weds. night and Thurs. morning...where shall I begin...

1. My aunt's OCD kicked in and everyone developed an attitude on some level...I think mine was a bit more extreme than everyone else...that's because I hate dealing with bullshit. In my mind, people have to learn to accept their reality...don't add to it or take from it!

2. My grandmother questioned and criticized everything I did. She questioned me about why she hadn't met my non-existent boyfriend. She fussed with me for putting bowls next the the sink and leaving a glass of wine on a TV stand...at the end of the day I told my mother that I'm no longer talking to my grandmother. If all she can do is find fault in me, then I don't have to be around her. I would be a fool to choose to subject myself to such treatment.

3. The van owner decided she was too cheap to rent a comfortable car for 5 people and her 2 weeks worth of luggage (still not sure why you need 2 full suitcases for 3 days). They wanted 5 people to ride in a FORD FUSION with all that luggage. I offered to rent a car multiple times, but she wouldn't go for it...I really just wanted to get home, that's it!!

4. I learned that I can't be completely honest with my family without hearing about it. I got in trouble with my mother so many times for speaking my mind that I lost count. What's up with my family...every time I said something I heard these words, "Dawn, that's your grandmother...you can't say that" or "It's not what you said, it's how you said it"...WHAT THE (*&$ I can say whatever I'm feeling...I'm grown. I can't help it if some people can't get with my refusal to dance around issures. I'm gong to share my honest opinion and speak my mind. For me, age is not equivalent with respect...respect is truly earned. Some folks in my family need to learn how show me a little more respect, if they'd like to receive it from me.

Without a doubt this was a Thanksgiving to remember...there was a great amount of stress felt among all of the family members...however, I was one of only a few who felt comfortable sharing my anger and frustration. I feel like a number of family members may not talk for a little while as a result of this time together.

Obviously, we finally made it home...even though it took 4-5 hours to get the rental car...that's so far beyond me!! I don't think I'll be making plans to travel on a road trip with these family members in the future...call me mean if you want to, but this holiday was too stressful and strained far too many family relationships. I feel like we all need to meet for a debriefing just to clear the air...that's not good.

Anywho, I hope everyone else had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know mine was beyond interesting, but I'm looking forward to spending Christmas with just my immediate family!

Date Night...

2008-11-14T18:34:00.000-08:00

That's right...tonight was date night, with myself of course. I've long stopped counting my 30 days, but I've still been quite committed to spending time with me. Tonight was a major challenge...on a Friday night, I went to the movies by myself. It's somewhat easy to go to a movie alone on an afternoon during the week, but going on a Friday night when you're surrounded by tons of couples and families...that can put one's emotions through some things. A few times I caught myself thinking..."I wish I was here with someone special" or "That could've been me" but I got over it and returned my thoughts to the movie. One of my friends keeps reminding me to be patient and remember that God knows the plans He has for me. I'm trying really hard to do that...REALLY HARD, but I do get discouraged sometimes. Nevertheless, I'm learning more and more each day to accept what life has to offer me.

Since I'm writing about my experience, I obviously survived it with flying colors and I'm rather proud of myself, if I must say so. The movie, The Secret Life of Bees, definitely did not fill my expectations, but I'm still glad I went to see it, especially since I never finished the book with my fellow book clubbers.

I'm still on the journey and patiently waiting for what God has in store for me!

He Did It!!!

2008-11-04T21:04:00.001-08:00

Barack did what some thought was impossible, he did what I knew was without a doubt achievable!

Barack did what our ancestors weren't allowed to do, he reaped the harvest of what they fought so hard for!

Barack Hussein Obama is OUR NEXT PRESIDENT!

Can I get an AMEN??

You Can Vote However You Like...

2008-11-02T13:17:00.000-08:00

As most of my friends know, I am an avid Barack Obama supporter, however, I'm more interested in people just getting out to vote. These young people from Atlanta, GA share the message best. It doesn't really matter who you vote for...it just matters that YOU VOTE!!

BTW...some parts are a little unclear.

We can all get along...

2008-10-21T13:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we're down to the final days in this year's heated presidential race. There are some real issues to discuss, however, I thought it would be a great time to have a light-hearted moment. I hope this brings a chuckle to your day...

I LOVE FOOTBALL...

2008-10-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

I joined a football team in the Baltimore Sports and Social Club this fall, and although I'm not all that good, I love playing football! It didn't feel like this originally, but the team has really grown on me. I joined this team (and my dodgeball team too) intentionally. I decided this summer that I needed to become more social...yes, I have a number of friends, but I tend to stay in my comfort zone...I'm definitely not the "social butterfly" when hanging out with new folks.

It worked...initially I didn't know how I felt about the team, but now I would rather be hanging out on the football field on a Saturday afternoon. It comes before sorority meetings and family functions cuz I'm committed to my team...not that I'm a major contributor, remember...but I enjoy getting out there and running around like a crazy kid! I even bought a pair of cleats and wide receiver gloves today for the 1 ball I've caught all season!

BTW...I'm pretty darn happy the Ravens won today too!

Another day on the journey...

2008-10-17T17:14:00.000-07:00

So, what happened day 4...I went for a job interview!!! Exciting time by myself, right?

Day 5...

Well, I'm actually out on "date" with myself right now. This week has been quite tiring. I went to an awesome training for my job on Tues., Weds., and Thurs. Yesterday's interview...5 hours...that's right, FIVE HOURS!!! Today, I went to the office, but wasn't very productive mainly because I'm exhausted, so tonight, I decided to go out once again for a little "me" time.

I decided to make Panera Bread the location of tonight's outing...mainly because it has free Wi-Fi...the food's not bad either. It's been an interesting evening...I was supposed to go out to Dave and Buster's but I was tired and the person I was going with was tired too, so we both decided to just stay in...I shouldn't be trippin' about that, but I am. Why...that would be challenge number 1 on this 30 day journey...I fear rejection. I always avoid the fight and take the flight route...so tonight, I'm going to focus on facing this "issue" tonight.

Well, that's the update today...5 days down and counting!

Just Me and Me...

2008-10-15T16:09:00.001-07:00

Back in the day (or at least back in my day...that's not too long ago!), the group Tony! Toni! Tone! wrote a song entitiled "Just Me and You". The song tells the story of a guy that is eager to get to know his girlfriend in a more intimate way. In the song, the brotha is telling his girlfriend that they need to spend some time alone just getting to know more about each other...he tells her it's time for them to get personal.

As usual, the question is, "What relevance does this have in my life?" Well, I've decided that I need to spend some time simply with me. I need to stop worrying about other people's opinions of me and just do ME and ME for a little while...

This is quite a challenge...I've never done this before. Quite frankly, I don't think I've ever been comfortable spending time with myself. It gives me too much time to think and reflect (which I don't really want to do) about my goals and dreams...it gives me time to think about my flaws and mistakes...it's give me a lot of time to think about my life. Unfortunately, for me, my life feels like a complete failure right now in every area...thus the reason why I'm trying to focus on spending time with myself for the next 30 days. I think I need this time to heal from some of the pain and hurt that I've felt (and am stil feeling) in my life this year.

So, I figured, I would blog about my experiences with "me" during the next 30 days...I think it will be therapeutic. So far, it hasn't been too bad.

Day 1: Went to dinner by myself...I had a great time and got to read in a peaceful environment!

Day 2: Went to see Nights in Rodanthe

Day 3: No official plans for today, but I am going to do some reading later on...

I'm excited and nervous about what the next 26 days have in store for me...

In case you never heard the song...here it is:

I LOVE my book club...

2008-09-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

That's right...I said it. I love my book club, even though I rarely finish any of the books. Despite this reality, I've identified a list of books that I'd like to read in my spare time...here they are:

Finding Fish by Antwone Fisher

Makes Me Wanna Holler by Nathan McCall

The Color of Water by James McBride

Think Big by Ben Carson

Secret Daughter by June Cross

From the Hood to the Hill by Barry Black

A Hope in the Unseen by Ron Suskind

Visiting Life...forgot to write down the author

Do You by Russell Simmons

True enough, it'll take me 3 years to get through these books plus some classics I'd like to read, but I figured writing it down would give me some motivation!!

Zumba...

2008-09-17T20:01:00.000-07:00

So, I recently started going to a Zumba class. It's exercise that's a fusion of latin dance and basic core strengthening. IT'S SO MUCH FUN!!! Honestly, I rarely realize that I've been exercising for an hour when the end of class approaches. Is that not the greatest thing you've ever heard??

Today I found an article on Zumba on CNN.com and thought I would share more about my latest passion with the world. Maybe you can find a class near you to check out. I can assure you that you won't regret it!!

Peace...

Why...

2008-09-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

So, I sat down to write a post earlier tonight, and decided to go out to the gym first and post once I returned home. Well, I never made it to the gym, but I'm convinced that it wasn't for me to post earlier tonight. At that time, I was feeling anger, frustration, envy, and even a bit of jealousy. I found myself struggling to be grateful for all of the blessings taking place in the lives of my friends and family because I was so discouraged about my own life and its direction, but it's amazing how just a few hours can change everything completely.

Just a few hours these questions were circling my mind in a seemingly continuous loop..."Why can't things just come together for me in this season? Why can't God grant me the desires of my heart now? Why don't things seem to be getting any better for me? Why am I even still alive? Why...why...why?"...now, it's as if I completely understand (at least for this moment) why I haven't been granted the ultimate desires of my heart yet.

There is more out there for me to attain in my current place.

It would be great if I could be reminded of this simple truth in those daily times when I feel like crying and accepting my current position as my destiny...I wish I could remember this when I feel like giving up on myself and everything that I've worked so hard for...I wish I could be reminded of this truth when I become jealous of the places where others are in their life and get angry with God for not blessing me with the same or more.

I'll never know why life works the way it does...I'll just accept that there is always a clear answer for all of my "Why" questions...

A Different Perspective of Me...

2008-09-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

My friend, Libby, posted this and I thought it was so interesting and insightful. I thought I'd do it too.

TAG

Rules of the game:
- Choose a singer/band/group
- Answer using ONLY titles of songs by that singer/band/group

Erykah Badu

1. Are you male or female?
"Bag Lady"

2. Describe yourself.
"Cleva"

3. How do people feel when they're around you?
"Didn't Cha Know"

4. How would you describe your previous relationships?
"In Love With You"

5. Describe your current relationship.
"Searching"

6. Something you want to say to your significant other?
"I Want You"

7. How do you feel about love?
"On & On"

8. What's your life like?
"My Life"

9. What would you ask for if you had only one wish?
"Love of My Life"

10. Say something wise.
"Think Twice"

To Everything There is a Season...

2008-05-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

I was reminded of just how true this passage of scripture is today. As I drove home from work this afternoon, I spent some time reflecting on how God has taught me so many lessons over the past few years. Truthfully, it took me some time to learn most of the lessons, but through the learning process my eyes were opened to this one reality - To everything there is indeed a SEASON!!

For so long, I've been deeply saddened when people have left my life for whatever reason. I couldn't understand why God would allow people to come into my life and mean so much to me only to let them walk away in an instant, but I was reminded that people come into our lives for a purpose and sometimes that's only for a season.

You see...some people plant the seeds in our minds and spirits that give us a glimpse of our destiny, while others come along and nurture that seed in its infant stages. We then encounter people who will help us grow and become self-sufficient, and finally we interact with those individuals who are the harvesters in our lives...they bring out the very best in us. Planters, nurturers, growers, and harvesters...those are the people we encounter in life.

What's the significance of today's revelation?

Well...I've lost 2 really good people in my life over the past few years...no, they did not die, but their season in my life ended. Both of these losses were quite painful, but now I understand that God had to change the role of these people in my life so my growth would not be stunted. I had reached the point where these individuals had served their purpose in my life...they helped me grow in my relationship with the Lord, they helped me grow as an independent thinker, they showed me how to love, they helped me take a stand against being a passenger in my life...these 2 special people positively changed my life forever.

Losing them hurt, but it's a blessing to know that they served their purpose...I learned some important life lessons and through these 2 wonderful people, I am a better person because of their season in my life. It's hard to believe that God brings the planters, the nurterers, and the growers in our lives for the sole purpose of preparing us for the person or persons who will bring out the best in us, the harvesters.

It's so amazing...there's a season for everything!!

2008-05-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Flatulence...NO!!! I'm Talking Gas...

Why is it cheaper to drink than to drive...that's the major question of my life these days!!!!

2008-02-02T16:54:00.000-08:00

Those "Aha" Moments...

The journey of life presents us with many great opportunities. We encounter people who will change our perspective on life, we visit places that teach us in some strange way to appreciate what "little" we have, and we experience some things that make us think twice about what we say and how we act...basically, life's journey is one big learning experience.

For the past few months, my life has been driven by impulsive thoughts and feelings. I've made some quick decisions based on feelings in the moment that just felt right, but over the past week, I've had some "aha" moments and I've realized that some of my decisions weren't so great after all. Unfortunately, this reality has hit me pretty hard...

I find myself in a place where I don't know how to right my wrongs. I feel like I've messed up so bad that there's no real point in trying to fix things. The sad thing about it all is that my decisions, my statements, and my actions were driven by my efforts to make everything perfect. I've tried very hard over the course of my life to not repeat the "not-so-good" behaviors that I've seen or experienced in my past and now that which I thought was a good thing is the very thing that is causing me so much stress.

I know this all sounds confusing...there's way too much on my mind tonight. I guess all I'm really trying to say is that every once in a while, we realize that we've made some "not-so-great" choices in life. When those "aha" moments come, embrace them, feel them, but most importantly, learn from them. If the moments bring some pain, embrace it. If the moments bring some tears, feel them. No matter what those "aha" moments bring, learn a lesson from them. That's what I'm trying to do....

2008-01-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

I Really Don't Like Snow...

...so I've decided that I need to move to a warmer area. Today's snow wasn't all that bad...there was no slipping and sliding on my way in from work, but I was reminded of just how much I dislike snow. It's such an inconvenience, but enough complaining, at least I arrived home safely (what a blessing), now on to better things...

It's a NEW year. That's wonderful news, right! I don't really do the New Year's Resolution thing, but a new year does give me an opportunity to reflect on my progress (or lack thereof) on some of my life goals. I feel like last year was not a year of progress for me...I did finally get my master's degree and I got a new job, but as a whole, I don't feel like I really capitalized on my opportunities last year. I think I was so burnt out and broke from grad school that I just didn't have the motivation to do more than expected in any area of my life. It wasn't a complete waste but I recognize that I have a lot of work ahead of me in 2008. Now, you would think that I'd know exactly what work lies ahead of me since I've made this bold statement declaring that I have many things to get done in '08, but I honestly don't know everything that lies ahead of me yet.

So far, I only have a few goals (or things I'd like to accomplish) for this year...

1) Take guitar lessons. - In progress
2) Focus more on healthier living. - A constant work in progress. I'm aiming for 30x6.
3) Relax more and find things that I enjoy doing, just for me. - I'm taking a cake decorating class next week...thought it would be something fun to do. I've spent too much time living my life around other people's schedules this past year, it's time for a change.
4) Enjoy all the wonderful things that are happening in my life. - I analyze all of my situations far too much, I must free myself to enjoy life...
5) Keep God first in everything. - I've put God on the back burner a lot here lately, partly out of anger, but it's time to get back on the right path.

Well, here's to a New Year...can't wait to see what it has to offer!

2008-01-13T18:33:00.000-08:00

He Loves Me...

...that's really all I wanted to say tonight. I couldn't be happier than to start out a new year knowing that the man I love feels the same about me too. That's it for tonight.

2007-12-10T21:34:00.000-08:00

Not Sure When, But I'm Certain It Happened...

As I've shared before, it's quite difficult for me to open up and let people into my space. It's been even more challenging for me to love and be loved, but I realized tonight (or perhaps earlier in the day or last week) that somewhere along the way I've fallen in love with S. Crazy, right? Here I am this strong-willed female who made it my business to avoid emotional attachment at all costs, yet I find myself feeling this thing called "love".

How do I know it's love...well, I don't necessarily know since I've never been in this place before, but I do know that I've never cared about someone so much before. I truly believe that love should be understanding, love should be unselfish, love should be encouragement, and love should show compassion. With S., I feel all of these things. I know this is love because he kissed me on the forehead and melted my heart away...I know this is love because I stayed up all night helping him write a paper that I really didn't care about at all and it was okay...I know this is love because I cried on his shoulder and did not feel an ounce of shame...I know this is love because just being in his presence makes my day (even if we don't speak a word).

It's so amazing to be in this place and even though I had vowed to protect myself from falling in love, I'm glad it happened. It is indeed true, taking the leap into love is worth the risk...I feared falling and hurting myself, but I'm blessed to have a man in my life who didn't let me fall, instead he has chosen to carry me in his arms and take this journey with me and I LOVE him for that.

Sorry to be so mushy...I just can't help myself these days.

2007-12-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

Many Seasons, Just One Journey...

During the past few weeks, I've had a bit of time to reflect upon the many seasons of my life. I've thought about the friends that I've made and lost along the way...I've thought about how the dynamics of my relationships with family members have changed over time (especially in the past few months)...and I've thought about the awesome way that God works.

A few years ago, a dear friend and I stopped talking completely. I had known this friend for nearly 20 years and just couldn't believe that our friendship literally ended overnight, but it did. I became quite depressed following this experience. At that time, my devestation prevented me from seeing the blessing in the storm, but now I recognize that this situation represented the transition into a new season of my life. It was really all a part of the plan...my seasons had to change in order for me to get closer to my destiny.

Now, I'd like to belive that I'm pretty much over this situation and I find myself wondering what my life would look like if I hadn't accepted the loss of this friend. I wonder if I would've missed out on this mysteriously great job opportunity...I wonder if I would've become content spending the rest of my life in the Baltimore area...I wonder if I would've continued to gauge my happiness on the opinions of others. Fortunately, I will never know if the things I wonder would've become true. I say fortunately because in spite of the difficult times I went through with this friend (whom I still love dearly), it was one of the best learning/growing experiences I've had in life.

What did I learn? How did I grow?

1. I learned to love myself and embrace my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

2. I grew into a free-thinking adult.

3. I learned to value my own beliefs and opinions.

4. I learned that I truly have a heart to help people.

5. I learned what it truly means to love unconditionally.

6. I learned that some people do really only stay in our lives for a season. For that season, we cherish, but when the season is over, we evaluate why they were a part of our lives and move forward in peace.

The Bible reminds that to everything there is a season and a purpose and as strange as it seems, I'm glad that this all happened. I'm glad because I was able to move with God into a new season of my life...a season that forced me to grow closer to my family and a season that forced me to mature a little more. Why all this season talk...well, I feel like God is yet taking me into a new season and I'm nervous, so I just needed to reflected on the blessings of my last season change. I know there will be lessons to learn and blessings to experience once again in this new season, as well as, those that lie ahead in the many seasons of my one journey called LIFE.

2007-11-24T06:07:00.000-08:00

A Reason to be Thankful...

Holidays have changed a lot for my family in the recent years. My brother now has his own family, so we're not always together...but this year, our entire family was around for Thanksgiving and we had a great time together...AND...my boyfriend finally met my family this weekend. Nervous is an understatement for how I was feeling, but I knew that we needed to take this step in our relationship and it turned out pretty good. My father did some joking...my mom was just her normal self...and my brother was, well, he was the typical BIG brother,but S. handled it really well. In those moments that he and I shared together with my family yesterday, I realized that in him I've found a wonderful person for whom I should be thankful.

Until the next time, I'll continue to travel along this journey of love...

2007-11-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

Learning to Love...

...that's what I'm doing these days. I decided in the years after undergrad that I didn't want to get married. Marriage just seemed too hard for most of the couples around me (thus likely too hard for me too). After watching unhappy people simply enduring marriage, I made a decision to never live in a miserable marriage for the sake of maintaining a certain image among my circle of family and friends. For me, this decision meant that I'd never get married...but time and circumstances change even our most passionate life decisions sometimes. This seems to be the case for me.

I met a wonderful guy about 6 months ago and I couldn't be happier. Unfortunately, I struggle to share my happiness with him at times...not because he's not special, rather because I made a decision to avoid all levels of emotional intimacy and I made a decision to not love. Obviously, these behaviors are not conducive to a successful relationship, so I'm back to learning to love. A friend sent me an article (from cnn.com) recently that helped me better understand on some level why it's so difficult for individuals to express their emotions when i comes to love. The article, Throw yourself into intimacy and take the leap into love!, talks about the reasons why falling in love is at times a difficult thing to accept. It also talks about ways to overcome this fear of falling in love. So...this article has pushed me to take the leap into love...I'm scared, but I can't imagine my life without S. That means learning to open up and love again for me. Have you assessed your ability to love lately??

Check out the article if you get a chance: http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/10/12/o.overs.leap/index.html?iref=newssearch

2007-11-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

A Journey through November…

Some of my friends have created lists of 101 things they’d like to accomplish in 1,001 days. I was working on something similar….100 things I’d like to do before I die…however, I think I work better when dealing with short term goals. So, I’ve decided that each month I shall embark upon a new (and hopefully), challenging journey. I’m not suggesting that every month the journey will be focused on achieving some crazy goal, rather each month’s journey will focus on doing things that make me a better overall person and push me closer to my destiny.

So what’s in store for November…

Well, November marks the beginning of the season of thankfulness. One of the things that I am most grateful for is my life, so this month I am challenging myself to focus on just that, my life. I think one of the best ways to live life to the fullest in to take care of our health (mental, physical, and spiritual). Over the past few months, I’ve found myself so busy that I’ve put my personal needs on the bottom of my priority list. This isn’t the true desire of my heart; it’s simply the place that I now find myself in. I know for myself that this must change if I am to maintain my sanity on my job, amongst my peers, and around my family. I’m also looking to my future and feel very strongly that I need to engage in healthier behaviors now so that I will be able to provide for my own family in the future.

So, here’s to the beginning of a new journey…

November Goals

Goal #1: Go to the gym at least 5 days/week.

Goal #2: Increase the number of healthy foods I consume and track what I eat daily.

Goal #3: Spend quality time in prayer at least twice daily.

Goal #4: Express my thoughts in writing at least once per week.

2007-10-27T19:37:00.000-07:00

Back to Blogging, I guess...

I had the pleasure of attending my monthly book club meeting today. I had a great time as usual...I'm the bad book-clubber who usually doesn't complete the books, but I have a great time at all of the meetings anyway. Today our discussion didn't have a clear focus, but I discovered that some of the other members have blogs. I've had one for a while now, but I rarely post anything and I definitely hadn't shared it with anyone. That all changed today, so...I'm back to blogging again. My initial desire was to blog about my journey through life to my ultimate destiny, but I'm not quite sure what that destiny is. The changes I've gone through over the past few years have left me unsure and confused about where my life is headed, so now I'm just striving to achieve one goal at a time. As I get back into the blogging thing (which I was never REALLY into before), I hope to share bits and pieces of my story with you.

Until tomorrow...

2006-03-01T19:12:00.000-08:00

Is there such a thing as a Quarter Life Crisis?????

So...my friend sent me an e-mail last week about this thing called a "quarter-life crisis". I had never heard of this before, but I must admit that I was captivated by this concept. The idea is that individuals in their twenties and early thirties go through a time period where their personal identity is truly found. It's a time period where we form our own ideas and develop our own belief systems. It's also a time period where we experience a great deal of stress because not everyone will agree with our opinions. I am including the contents of the e-mail I received from my friend. Check it out and tell me what you think.

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you
stop going along with the crowd and start realizing
that there are many things about yourself that you
didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will
be in a year or two, but then get scared because you
barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that,
maybe, those friends that you thought you were so
close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have
ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are
some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing
that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or
insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You
look at your job... and it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are
looking for a job and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and that
scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what
others are doing and find yourself judging more than
usual because suddenly you realize that you have
certain boundaries in your life and are constantly
adding things to your list of what is acceptable and
what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the
next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest
force of your life. You feel alone and scared and
confused.

Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on
to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the
past is drifting further and further away, and there
is nothing to do but stay where you are or move
forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you
loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed
and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough
that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love
someone but love someone else too and cannot figure
out why you are doing this because you know that you
aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook
ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting
like an idiot don't seem as fun. You go through the
same emotions and questions over and over, and talk
with your friends about the same topics because you
cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a
life for yourself... and while winning the race would
be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this
relates to it. We are in our best of times and our
worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure
this whole thing out.

2005-11-14T19:38:00.000-08:00

Times IS Hard...

Terrible grammar, right? That's the last thing on my mind tonight. I am beginning to believe that growing pains of life are worse than the pains I feel after I run for 30 minutes or so. So, my faith is a major part of my life and at times, it causes me a great deal of stress. Tonight is one of those nights when my faith is stressing me. I've been attending my church regularly for about 5 years and I've been quite active for about the past 3 years. I like most of the church folk and I love the Pastor, but...I'm just not happy there anymore. I've realized that I need to be involved with a younger ministry, one that is more concerned with community outreach, one that challenges me spiritually and empowers me socially. Is this too much to ask? Under normal circumstances I'd say no, but I have strong ties to some of the members at the church. I'm afraid that my leaving the church will cause them a great deal of pain; however, I think I should be more concerned about my happiness and sanity than the pain I may cause someone else. Tell me what you think.

2005-11-06T14:19:00.000-08:00

And then came Sunday...

So, I love most Sundays. For me, Sunday is the day of rest, relaxation, and refreshment, but on occasion I find myself quite discouraged when I get home from worship service. This is not because the Pastor has preached a bad sermon, rather, it's because I realize that I have spent an entire mornin/afternoon with a group of young people who have no desire to improve themselves. Perhaps, this comment is exaggerated, but it pains me to see the demise of the African-American race.

Last week, the African-American community laid to rest the mother of the Civil Rights Movement, Rosa Parks. While reflecting on Ms. Parks and others who were part of the Civil Rights Movement, I am reminded of the generations who came before me who strived to overcome the labels that were placed on them by society. I am reminded of a generation who stood tall and fought racism head-on. I am reminded of a generation who wanted to see a better life for their children and grandchildren. Yet...after I finished reflecting, I found myself simply looking at a generation of people who don't care about the suffering of their forefathers. A generation that has lost its sense of community. A generation that wants to get rich quick. I find myself asking a simple question, that has a complex answer. The questions is simply, "What happened?" Where did we, as African-Americans, where did we, as Black people, go wrong?

Well...if I can, I'd like to suggest a few answers to this question.

1) Somewhere along the way, the African-American community lost its strong belief in family.

I'm young myself, but I've always said that I had old school parents. I'm talking about parents who didn't play. When Mom and Dad said come to the dinner table, you went. When they said get up for church, you started moving. It amazes me that this is no longer the case in Black families. I look at my little cousins and the siblings of my friends and find myself in awe when they tell their parents what they are going to do, and are not disciplined in return. You see...my parents let me skip church, or so I thought, but then I also had to skip afterschool events during the week. In my house, there was a clear distinction between the parent and the child. What has happened? Why do parents no longer feel like they have the final say in their own home? Perhaps, you can tell me because this is something that I don't quite understand.

2) We no longer encourage each other and believe in ourselves.

I remember growing up was difficult for me. I lived in a Black neighborhood, yet I went to a majority White school. At school, I was often the only Black student in my class. I always took Honors and Advanced Placement courses. While in high school, the one thing that was always strange to me was the lack of support/encouragement from my Black peers. My fellow Black students always told me, "You think you're better than everybody else" or "You're so White". That was very painful for me, but more than my pain, these comments reflect the attitude of the new generation of Black folk. The mindset that exists among this new generation of Black people is "If I can't have it, then I don't want anyone else to have it either". Can you believe this? People hate on others because they made different decisions. The truth is, everyone has a choice to make. Some people will make good decisions, others will make bad decisions, but irregardless of the decisions that have been made, we need to support each other. Help your brothah or sistah if they're down, encourage them if they're up, but under no circumstances should you (we) tear our brothah or sistah down.

3) Parents no longer want to raise their children.

This is probably the most alarming answer to the question of what happened to the African-American race. Increasingly, I am finding parents who do not want to raise their children. They'd rather give their children some money for dinner and go out to the club and no longer be bothered. Perhaps my view is a bit biased because my parents never just gave my brother and I money and told us to get something to eat. If/When they went out, we had a babysitter, and my Mom always fixed our dinner. My parents never left us all night, and they recognized that being a parent was far more important than living it up in the clubs or doing whatver parents do these days. I am amazed by the number of parents that I encounter who treat their children like adults. (The first sign that a child is too grown - THE CELL PHONE. What's up with elementary school students needing to carry a cell phone? Parents no longer regulate the phone calls that their middle and high school children receive or send.)

These are just some of my thoughts about what has gone wrong in the African-American community. Sadly, as we mourn the loss of one who sparked the rise of the Civil Rights Movement, we find ourselves going backwards. Yes, we have the right to vote, but how many of us actually go to the polls and cast our ballot on election day. Yes, we are free to ride public transportation, but how many of us get on the bus or subway and act like we have absolutely no home training while riding. The truth is, Black people are still ENSLAVED. How? We are a divided people. Those who have found success (or are finding success) are ostracized by their counterparts who have made different choices in life. Those who are poor are looked down on by the rich. We are enslaved because we are divided. Divided we will fall, but together we can have a major impact on the society we live in.

Let me hear what you have to say...
D

2005-11-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

So...I have had this blog for some time now, but I've never managed to start writing, therefore, I guess today is my debut.

Just a little background...I am a graduate student at Johns Hopkins University. I'm pursuing a degree in public health. While I am very passionate about public health, I feel that my purpose in life is to empower people and communities. Public health is simply an avenue to assist me in fulfilling my purpose in life.

I'll be sharing more about me and my journey in the future. I hope that you will come back and visit, as I will be updating periodically. Feel free to leave a comment.

Peace
D